


Promise / Threat

by Samunderthelights



Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2017 - 2020 [10]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't copy to another site, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied / Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Self-Hatred, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Wolfstar Winter Wonderland Challenge 2020, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27487924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: When Remus doesn't come back from the Shrieking Shack one day, Sirius goes looking for him. When he finds him, he realises just how much Remus is struggling to come to terms with his lycanthropy.--Wolfstar Winter Wonderland Challenge 2020 ❄️
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Harry Potter Short Stories : 2017 - 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043835
Comments: 4
Kudos: 106
Collections: Wolfstar Winter Wonderland Challenge 2020





	Promise / Threat

**Author's Note:**

> Hi,  
> Here's my entry for the [Wolfstar Winter Wonderland Challenge 2020](https://wolfstarwritingchallenges.tumblr.com/post/633301290478370816/wolfstar-winter-wonderland-challenge-2020). I used two of the photo prompts as inspiration for this story. ❄️  
> Please check the tags before reading.  
> Enjoy!  
> Xx

Sirius had never been able to get used to that time of the month when Remus left to go to the Shrieking Shack. Although he knew why it had to be done, it still left him feeling uneasy, like he was somehow letting his friend down.

Remus had reassured him time and time again that he did not mind, and that it was the best for everyone. But every time Madam Pomfrey came to take him away, they could all see the pain in his eyes. The shame written all over his face.

From the moment he’d leave, until the moment he came back, Sirius would be pacing around, worrying for him. Worrying that this time he wouldn’t come back, or if he did come back, he’d be worried about the state he’d be in. How hurt he would be this time.

“He’ll be fine,” James says, noticing Sirius looking over to the door again. “It won’t do him any good to see you worrying about him.”

“I can’t help it,” Sirius sighs, “Last time…”

“I know,” James quickly says, the sight of Remus lying in bed, his chest covered in deep, bloody scratches, still fresh on his mind. “But he’ll be fine.”

Sirius looks over his shoulder again, and when he sees Madam Pomfrey walking by, he jumps up, ready for Remus to come into the Great Hall. But when he is nowhere to be seen, Sirius looks back at James, who is trying his best to hide the fact that he is getting worried now too. But it is written all over his face.

So Sirius leaves the Great Hall, and he catches up with Madam Pomfrey.

“Where is Remus?”

“Good morning to you too, Mister Black,” she says, and normally Sirius would have apologised, but not right now.

“Please tell me he’s okay. Is he in the hospital wing?”

“Mister Lupin is fine,” Madam Pomfrey says, flashing a small smile. “He looked a little tired, so…”

Before she can finish her sentence, Sirius has run off to go and look for Remus. But he doesn’t find him in the Common Room, nor is he in his bed.

Sirius knows he shouldn’t worry, because Madam Pomfrey reassured him that Remus is fine, but he can’t help himself. He needs to see it for himself before he can believe it.

So he searches around the castle, panic building up inside him when he can’t find him. He is ready to call in help, by now convinced that something must have happened to Remus, when he looks out the window.

He doubts Remus would go anywhere near the forest after a full moon. Usually he spend the first day in bed, his friends fussing over him, making sure he eats and drinks enough so he can regain his strength. But it’s the only place Sirius hasn’t searched yet, so he runs out of the castle, into the forest, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that is telling him that he’s going to get into trouble for this.

The forest grows thicker quite quickly, the trees closing in on him, and the only sound that can be heard is that of his footsteps in the snow. It almost makes him turn back, because it doesn’t look like Remus is here.

But then he hears faint rustling, and it makes him turn to see who, or what is making the noise. He half-expects it to be some kind of creature he has been warned is hiding in the forest. Instead, Remus is standing there, looking so pale, so deadly, Sirius has to admit, that it makes him unable to move or say anything for a moment.

“What are you doing here?” he finally asks, but Remus just stares down at his feet, an embarrassed look on his face. “You could have gotten hurt, or…” He swallows back _killed_. “You are too…”

“Just leave me alone, Sirius.”

“No,” Sirius says, and he steps up to him, but when he reaches out for his hand and he feels just how cold he is, he flinches. “Jesus, Moony, you’re freezing.”

He takes Remus’ hands in his, and he brings them up to his mouth to blow some hot air into them. But it only makes Remus shiver, so instead, he wraps his arms around him, hoping that it will at least somewhat warm him up.

“Why are you here?” he whispers, but Remus just shrugs. “You should be in bed.”

“I don’t want this anymore,” Remus mumbles.

Sirius can feel his heart break, and he wishes more than anything in the world that he could take Remus’ pain. That he could be the one to suffer instead. But he knows that there is nothing he can do but be there for him.

“Have you hurt yourself?”

“It’s nothing too bad,” Remus whispers, but Sirius lets go of him, and he catches himself sighing. “I’m sorry…”

“Stop it. You have nothing to be sorry for, Remus,” Sirius says, reaching out to place a hand on the back of Remus’ neck. “But why did you come here? This place isn’t safe, especially not when you’re like this. How are you going to defend yourself if something, or someone finds you in here?”

Remus shrugs, avoiding Sirius’ eyes, a guilty look on his face.

“Why are you doing this to yourself, huh?”

Sirius pulls him in for another hug, and he holds him until he can feel him beginning to shiver again.

“Let’s get you inside, before you…”

“Please don’t tell the others,” Remus quickly says. “I don’t want them to know that I wanted…”

“If you promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t ever do this again,” Sirius says, not even trying to hide the pain he is feeling right now. “Let us take care of you. Please.”

“I don’t want to have to rely on you. I am…”

“You’d do the same for us, right?” Sirius interrupts. “We love you. So don’t you dare…” His voice catches in his throat, and he has to blink hard to keep the tears from falling. “I can’t lose you, Moony.”

Remus gives a small, embarrassed nod, but Sirius can tell that he still doesn’t understand just how loved he is. So he kisses him, hoping it will make him realise just how much he is cared for, how devastated Sirius would have been if something had happened to him.

“What was that for?” Remus asks, blushing as he subconsciously brings the tip of his finger up to his lips, as though he can still feel Sirius’ lips there.

“I love you, you fucking…” Sirius shakes his head, before letting out an embarrassed chuckle. “Now come on, let’s get you inside.”

Only as they begin to make their way out of the forest, does Sirius realise just how weak Remus still is, how vulnerable he truly had been. So he wraps an arm around his waist, and he tries to support him, ignoring him every time he tells him he can walk on his own.

By the time they get to the Gryffindor Common Room, most of their friends have gathered around the fire. Most of them don’t even look up, having gotten used to Remus disappearing on them for days at a time. But James looks up, and he flashes a smile, before scooting over to make room for them on the couch.

“I told you he was fine.” He smiles, as he pats Remus’ knee. “You should’ve seen how worried he was when you didn’t get back this morning.”

“You were worried too.”

“Yeah, well…” James shrugs. “I knew he’d be fine.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, sharing a knowing smile with Remus. But James has already returned his attention to their friends who are playing a guessing game.

“Are you okay?” Sirius whispers, but Remus just shrugs. He still looks like he’s been to hell and back, so Sirius wraps an arm around him, and he pulls him against his chest.

The warmth coming off the fire, mixed with the full moon’s effect is making Remus sleepy, and within minutes he has fallen asleep against Sirius’ chest.

* * *

“Will you show me?” Sirius whispers, when later that night he and Remus are in the bathrooms. “Your wounds.”

“I can take care of them myself.”

“I know you can.” Sirius nods. He keeps staring at Remus, and in the end it makes him give in.

Remus raises his shirt, and on his chest is a fresh claw mark. It’s not too deep, and the blood has already dried up, but Sirius grabs a piece of cloth, and he cleans it up in silence, having gotten so used to this ritual by now that it has almost become routine.

But when Remus shows him the bitemark on his wrist, it makes him swallow hard. Because if the wound had been any deeper, it could have killed him. He doesn’t dare ask if it was intentional or not, if this was the wolf’s doing, or the man in him fighting against the wolf.

“It won’t always be like this,” Sirius whispers, even though it’s just the two of them in the bathrooms for the moment. “They are going to find a cure for this.”

“You don’t know that. What if one day that’s all I’m going to be?”

“You can’t think like that. This is who you are,” Sirius says, grabbing Remus by the shoulders and making him face the mirror. “Not that…”

“Monster?”

“You are not a monster, Remus. You are the kindest, most amazing, most…”

“Don’t,” Remus warns him, but Sirius continues anyway, his hands still on Remus’ shoulders.

“… beautiful person I know. I so wish you could see what I see when I look at you…,” Sirius whispers, as he rests his chin on Remus’ shoulder, the tears forming in his eyes. “I wish you’d see the good in yourself. All of it.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you, you idiot,” Sirius says, a shy smile forming on his lips. He can see Remus’ face in the mirror, and he can tell that he’s blushing. “And I want you to be happy.”

“I’ll never be happy. Not like this,” Remus replies, but it’s an automatic response, and it makes him sigh. “Do you really think they’ll be able to cure me?”

“I know they will.” Sirius smiles, trying his best to hide his doubts. Trying his best to hold onto every last bit of hope he has left.

He kisses the back of Remus’ neck, before turning him around and making him face him.

“Until that day, I’ll be here,” he says. “and I am going to take care of you, okay? We’re doing this together.”

“And after that day?” Remus asks, and Sirius can’t help but smile.

“I’ll still be here,” he whispers, before pulling Remus in for a hug. “I love you, Moony. So don’t go run off to the forest, or… I’ll come and find you anyway.”

“Is that a threat?” Remus chuckles, as Sirius tightens his grip on him.

“It’s a promise.”


End file.
